26 Comments
User's avatar
Vadivukkarasi Jayalakshmi's avatar

Thank you for writing this. As someone who has spent all my adult life as a health care provider, my immediate response to those suffering is action. Though I was/ and still I am interested in psychiatry, I don't practice the branch within the hospital and hence I don't spend time in counselling families& patients extensively (I refer that job to a qualified psychiatrist). The built up/ pent up emotions of health care providers lead to burn outs and early deaths of physicians. During the pandemic, in some countries like the UK, lost 40% of their intensive care doctors to death/ suicides/ voluntary retirements. And the main reason is that we don't have time to cry our hearts out with the families and patients- we move from one patient to the other with built up emotions, not even allowing those emotions to surface up. Because if emotions surface up then we lose our objectivities. In a way, nursing is better as a profession because they are allowed to cry with their patients. Now, only when we read something like this, or watch a movie on health care realities, we break down on our day-offs and have a hearty cry. In the current work place, it is mandatory for doctors who deal with deaths, to catch up with their therapists, but this is not the norm in countries like India/ South Asia..and we ourselves touch our reality only when we read someone writing their stories. Paul Kalaniti's When breath becomes air was one such book that helped me at a point I had to deal with a 'diagnosis'. It is not easy to be the care provider as a family member, it is much much more difficult than being a health care provider. I only have lots of respect and love for families that deal with the diseases of their loved ones.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you. I read 'When Breath Becomes Air' a while back, and it moved me in so many ways. I don't have the courage to read it again now, but will revisit it when things are better. I can imagine the stress that you must be under as a doctor. I've noticed the distance that they keep with the patients, and I guessed that this is a shield they use to keep themselves composed and professional. It must be very difficult to see pain and loss every single day. Take care.

Expand full comment
Vadivukkarasi Jayalakshmi's avatar

I wish everything goes smooth and well for all of you at home. Best wishes.

Expand full comment
Indu's avatar

Take care and lots of love and strength to your family. Thanks for writing about it.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Dipali Taneja's avatar

Huge hugs to all of you. It's a tough journey, but humour and normalcy are the way to go. All the very best.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Dharini's avatar

This is such a tough and trying time, Sowmya. I lost someone very close to cancer(pancreatic, very late stage) last year, and it was tough to watch and understand how best I could be of assistance. What I learnt however is that it is an experience that moves and changes everyone around the patient - and I'd like to think in some ways for the better. Hang in there, best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

I'm so sorry for your loss. Can't agree with you more. I'm looking at this as a period of personal growth too. I've surprised myself many times in these last few months.

Expand full comment
Subhashree's avatar

Hi there, I can deeply empathize with your personal experience regarding cancer therapies and the associated fears. Cancer has a way of thrusting us into a world that we never anticipated or desired, exposing us to the harsh realities that often accompany the disease. While these lessons are undoubtedly difficult and painful, they can shape us in remarkable ways. They can cultivate resilience, empathy, and an enhanced appreciation for life's precious moments. - Last year was traumatic as a caregiver for me when my amma was diagnosed with stage 2 ductal carcinoma. She is fine and better now.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

I'm glad to hear your mom is doing well now. Yes, it's a tough phase and we can only get through it if we are willing to learn. It can destroy families or bring them closer...all I can say is that it's better when you have someone next to you to brave the storm.

Expand full comment
Jyotee More's avatar

It need strength n will to fight dis big C my aunt went through dis we hav only 5 yrs in hand it was gruelling times all near ones r affected my prayers fr all chances lord heal them amen

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you! I hope all of you are doing better now.

Expand full comment
Suma Balan's avatar

Hugs. To all of you. You are doing things right

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Deepa Suresh's avatar

This is a hard phase not only for the one fighting this devil but also those around the fighter! Can imagine how it can be....love and strength to all of you!!!!

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Nithya K's avatar

That's so hard! :( Hope things get easier soon for all of you.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Subbalakshmi Kumar's avatar

Much love and hugs!

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Hamsini Ravi's avatar

Wishing you and your family all the strength.

Expand full comment
Sowmya Rajendran's avatar

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Otee's avatar

Thank you for writing this Sowmya.

Our wishes are with you. Take care.

Expand full comment
Subha's avatar

Thanks much for writing Sowmya.

Expand full comment
Sajita Sivanandan's avatar

Cancer IS a bitch indeed! Hugs to you and your family. Hope ‘he’ gets better n better sooner n sooner.

Expand full comment