The mid

When you are in your 20s, you tend to think anyone over the age of 35 is old and leads a very boring life. I used to think so too. Married with kids. Going to office every day. Paying EMIs for more houses than necessary.

But now that I’m close to 40, I realise that people my age are leading far more exciting lives than I ever imagined. There seems to be something about the mid-point of human life that pushes people over the edge. Marriages are breaking up, people are quitting safe, solid jobs and starting something new, someone is running a marathon, someone just climbed Kilimanjaro. Someone is unraveling their childhood trauma through therapy. Someone got a new cat (me). People are doing things they’ve never done before. More importantly, things they never believed they would do. It’s like a snake shedding its skin.

Maybe it’s the realisation that you have only so much time left. Or maybe it’s because the parents who loomed so large over your growing up years have become frail, and you’ve realised that you don’t have to live life on their terms anymore. You develop your own belief system. I’m not talking about religion but just rules for living. It can be anything — from not berating yourself for buying readymade dosa batter to abandoning conservative ideas about financial management. You became an adult a long time ago but it’s only now that you are forming your own set of principles instead of borrowing it.

You are tired of all the causes you were passionate about, and you suddenly feel there’s only one cause worthy of pursuit — you, a work-in-progress. You don’t have the time or energy to argue about everything going on in the world. You may say ‘Let’s agree to disagree’ even if you hate that phrase. You may choose to respond with a smiley that means nothing or not respond at all. Your friends don’t mind when you ignore their messages. They continue the conversation by talking about some other topic because they’re doing the same thing too.

Whenever I meet up with people my age, they always have some kind of breaking news about the Big Things in life. I’m no longer shocked or surprised by their revelations. In fact, I would be shocked or surprised if I met a 40-year-old who has nothing major going on in their life. What are you, 22?!

The mid can be a very rocky and unsettling phase. All the mistakes you made in your 20s, all the relationship issues that you glossed over in the early days, all the things you were forced to do as a child. All the ifs and buts. All the twists and turns you didn’t take. All the choices you now regret. All that hurt and all that resentment comes to roost. You seek out ways to heal. The answer is always the same, whichever way you seek — yoga, meditation, Bollywood dance, mountain club, running group, therapy, pets. You cannot change anyone. You cannot control what they do. You can assign blame but it won’t necessarily help you. The answer lies within you. You are the work you have to do.

The mid is slightly scary because you are moving away from the familiar. The rhythm you had settled into in your late 20s and early 30s, assuming you had it all figured out, has gone for a toss. You haven’t figured it out at all. Not really. You are now crying about the stupidest things while in your 20s, you thought you were made of Teflon. You are a soggy mess, but you know it now. Your world view is a newly hatched baby turtle seeking the sea. It’s frightening, it’s dangerous, it’s exciting. It’s life.

Welcome to the mid.