In a parallel life
There’s a woman who has given my email address to Swiggy as her own, and I routinely receive her order details on my email. Today, she had a Butterscotch Milkshake, a Peri Peri Chicken Bread Omelette and a Cold Coffee. I wonder why she had a Butterscotch Milkshake AND a Cold Coffee. Why order two cold drinks? Is it because the weather is so hot or was she ordering for two people? In that case, would one Peri Peri Chicken Bread Omelette do?
She isn’t fussy about food, and I like that about her. She eats everything from Malabar Chicken Biryani to burgers from McDonald’s. I don’t know if this amounts to spying on someone — I suppose I could always delete the Swiggy emails without opening them, and I sometimes do so. But to be honest, I’m curious to know what she ordered because I’m interested in food, and the idea of people eating exotic, exquisite dishes puts me in a good mood. I feel like the world must be a happy place if someone, somewhere, is drinking a Butterscotch Milkshake.
How old is this woman? My guess is that she is in her late 20s, given that she doesn’t seem to be worried about cholesterol and other boring factors that you have to consider as you hit the 30s, and the reality of your mortality begins to dawn upon you. She lives in a hostel and orders for one person. The Butterscotch Milkshake AND Cold Coffee is an exception, not the rule. She has money of her own since she doesn’t seem to mind splurging frequently on food. Probably employed in a decently paying job. IT? Banking? Definitely not the health sector.
What? You think I’m creepy? What if you imagined Irrfan Khan opening these email orders that Nimrat Kaur had placed, fantasizing about this mystery woman who’s eating burgers and biryani day after day? Wouldn’t you think it’s sweet? Why does it have to be creepy just because my romance is directed towards the food and not the woman?
Once upon a time, I used to be this woman. I would open the Swiggy app whenever I felt like I was staring into the abyss. Needless to say, this was before I had a baby because after that, I had very little time to do any kind of staring. From spicy shawarmas to warm moong dal halwa, I relished it all. I would obsessively track the delivery person in case they took a wrong turn, and open the door even before they rang the bell.
Unfortunately, I had to break up with Swiggy after a delivery person totally messed up and I did not get to eat the banoffee pie that I had ordered to deal with my PMS. Since I was already in a volcanic mood, I took an oath that I would never order from Swiggy ever.
No, this event did not mark a turning point in my health journey. I merely shifted to Zomato.
But anyway, over the years, my zeal to order from food delivery apps has significantly reduced. I even worry that I’m ruining the earth for future generations because the restaurant has packed plastic spoons that I did not ask for. The thing is, when you’re eating at a restaurant, the oil is nicely mixed into the gravy and you are not forced to think if this is slow suicide. When you get the same dish delivered at home, it’s staring at you in the face. A tsunami of oil has risen to the top during the time it took for the delivery person to find your house. It looks like it’s enough to sink the Titanic, Jack and Rose and all. You then have to make the choice to voluntarily eat that gravy with the full knowledge of what you’re eating. Butter chicken with a free heart attack for Rs 450 only.
How depressing.
But my Nimrat Kaur, she doesn’t worry like me. She has youth coursing in her veins and there’s nothing like it. She doesn’t have to wake up at 5 am and send a child to sports practice or walk a cat whose idea of a walk is to sit on the parapet wall of the terrace.
Nimrat Kaur probably wakes up at 8 am, feeling rested and ready to take on the world. She is looking forward to ordering Falafel Nuggets with Mayo Dip and Mango Cheesecake when she gets home from work. Maybe she watches a Netflix show while eating it. Hopefully, nobody interrupts her 3,000 times when she’s watching it.
I wonder if she will change her email address registered with Swiggy at some point or if I will always know when she’s had a Butterscotch Milkshake. I wish her well, my namesake. I hope she stays in her 20s forever.
burst out laughing at this: "No, this event did not mark a turning point in my health journey. I merely shifted to Zomato". Loved this piece!
Lovely read, yet again. I became a diabetic by 35. A family of diabetics but I was the youngest of all of them. It was depressing to me that I'd have to forgo most of the food items I enjoyed before that. But it was also clearly evident that I had to do that in order to live well. But more than diabetes, what affects my food availability and quality is my health care job. 😂 Prolonged periods of fasting is the occupational disaster I have been living with. But as you write, we can only wish people who eat unapologetically. I really admire foodies. Long live!!