Before the lens

A couple of weeks ago, I was the subject of a photo shoot. The last time this happened was 16 years ago, when I got married. Back then, the wedding photo shoot didn’t happen in front of a waterfall or on a pretty road. We didn’t do candids. We did posed-like-pumpkins. Our shoot happened at the wedding venue where my husband and I arrived with matching pimples caused by stress and through-the-roof anxiety.

The photographer asked me to pose like I was adjusting my earrings. He asked me to pretend that I was speaking on my brick-like Nokia. He told me to stand on a low stool to match my husband’s height. I was not a cooperative bride, and as a result, we have several photos of ourselves where I appear as a grumpy floating head next to my husband’s hip.

So, no, I’m not a fan of photo shoots.

Photographers are extremely hard to please. They are not happy with the light. They are not happy with the shadows. They are not happy with the tilt of your head. They are not happy with your clothes. They are not happy with the background. They are not happy with your expression. They are waiting for the moment, and you feel obliged to produce the moment without knowing how to do it.

I’m not speaking of only the arty photographers. Even the ones who shoot passport photos come with so many terms and conditions. You have to achieve a perfect balance between smiling yet not-smiling to please them. When I was a child, I could never stop laughing when I was in the photo studio. To restrain myself, I would think of something extremely tragic while someone was taking my photo — like being trapped in quicksand AND having an elephant fall over me. Thus, there are several childhood passport photos of myself in which I look like a dying daisy.

But when this photographer, Jaee Jadhav, texted me for a series she was working on, I was somehow convinced. You see, she didn’t just want to take photos, she also wanted a story to go with it. As everyone knows, I love talking about myself. There’s nobody more fascinating than I am in my life.

So, I sent her a little story about my hunt for a diamond nose stud, and we decided to go ahead with the shoot. After agreeing to do this, I suffered from my usual bout of butterflies. What if I ended up looking spectacularly ugly and had to tolerate these pictures floating around the internet for an eternity?

What was I going to wear? I mean, no woman ever has anything suitable to wear in her wardrobe for such occasions. So, I went shopping. I bought myself a pretty white dress at an outrageous discount. I felt very pleased by the purchase. I was going to look like a diva, an angel, Simi Garewal, and vanilla kulfi.

But of course, when Jaee asked me what I was going to wear, she specified that I should avoid white. Not only that, she wanted me to come up with two outfit ideas.

Photographers!

In a panic, I ransacked my wardrobe and discovered that I did have some suitable things I could wear. Helpfully, around that time, my skin suffered a breakout. I also got my period and my body gently bloated like a Helium balloon. Considering my story about the diamond nose stud was all about self-acceptance at 40, I couldn’t ask her to postpone the photo shoot. I had to stand by my words and all that. Right? Right.

The day of the shoot arrived and I was antsy. I was ready a whole hour before I needed to be ready. I had visions of standing in front of the camera and smiling, only for my teeth to grow into daggers.

What if my makeup made me look like a drishti bommai in the sunlight?

The first sign that it was going to be okay was that Jaee arrived on time. This is a big green flag in my book. You arrive late and I kinda-sorta hate you already for wasting my time even if I’m not doing anything.

She put me at ease by saying she thought I was going to be intimidating. What?! Poor old me? Who gets intimidated by a five-foot nothing person with a giggling issue?

Also, she knew exactly what she wanted. She had come prepared with poses and reference pictures. She sized up the surroundings fast and chose suitable spots. She was also quick to understand the personality of her subject. So, when she tried to make me look wistful, but I kept laughing, she didn’t force me to persist. She laughed, too, and we moved on to doing something else. The whole shoot was over in 30 minutes.

That’s why I look pleasant in all these photos (there are more, but there’s only so much beauty y’all can take). For the first time in my life, I was happy with a shoot and didn’t have to think of quicksand or elephants.

You’re allowed to shower me with compliments now. Go ahead, don’t be shy.

PS: Do follow Jaee’s Insta page! Artists need all the support they can get.